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BioHazard - Protecting Yourself from Toxic Coworkers
As an Employee Assistance Program Specialist who routinely sees
clients for work-related stress issues, I often hear the
expression, "My work place has become toxic." What most people mean
by this is that there is a person, or persons, who are filling the
workplace with negative attitudes and behaviors, and that this
experience is contributing to low morale, high stress, and the
feeling that one needs to go through a decontamination process
before returning home.
Who are these people and, more importantly, is there something we
can do to protect ourselves from the hazardous waste they leave in
their wake? The short answer is "yes" there is something we can do.
The longer answer is that doing something about this requires that
we take special precautions, stay alert and, if necessary, have an
evacuation plan at the ready.
According to Wikipedia a toxic employee is "a worker who is
motivated by personal gain (power, money, or special status), uses
unethical, mean-spirited and sometimes illegal means to manipulate
and annoy those around them; and whose motives are to maintain or
increase power, money or special status or divert attention away
from their performance shortfalls and misdeeds."
Let's start by being honest and admitting that all of us are
"motivated by personal gain." The difference between looking out
for oneself and the hazardous worker is in the techniques they use
to obtain these personal gains and that their gains come at the
great expense of others. While it's certainly possible that there
are some people who suffer from chronic pain in the butt syndrome,
and are essentially hard-wired to behave the way they do, I think
that most of these folks are made, not born, this way. (Admittedly,
this is the eternal hopeful therapist in me saying this).
Most of these people probably enjoyed their job at some point. The
move toward toxicity usually begins harmlessly. A joke here, a
sarcastic remark there, an explicit message left on the company
bathroom wall. In time, however, the attitude becomes a primary
defense mechanism for a person who has lost the ability and/or
willingness to try to change. When they become the dominant force
in a company, they can squeeze the life energy out of its workers.
These are not necessarily evil people, they have just learned that
expecting the worst makes life at work more understandable and
predictable, and it requires less energy. It is far easier for them
to point fingers instead of lifting them to help others. It
requires much less energy to ridicule than to reason and in the end
saying, "I told you so," means never having to take
responsibility.
When it comes to working with these people we can follow the
advice of those who work around actual toxic material and Verify,
Contain, and Remove. Here are some tips for putting this into
practice:
1. Verify: Make sure that you are actually dealing with someone
who has become toxic. Simply having a "bad day at the office" and
making a negative comment or two about the boss does not mean that
someone is a danger to the work environment. Look for a consistent
pattern of negative behavior and talk. See if others around you
feel the same about the person, or people involved. Feeling like
your personal boundaries have been violated whenever you interact
with someone is another good indicator of toxicity, as is the
feeling that the person has an insatiable need for attention.
2. Contain: Maintain a healthy perimeter between yourself and the
toxic person. If you must interact, stick to facts, and avoid being
drawn into personal conversations. Withdraw attention from their
antics, rants, and ramblings and never answer their question of
"Want to know what I think?" with anything other than, "Look at the
time, I have a meeting to get to."
3. Remove: Ultimately, only those in charge can take steps to
remove a toxic person from the workplace*. However, those impacted
by the daily poison can assist in this process by speaking up for
themselves and their work environment. Become an activist at work
and avoid the passive response of coming to work in the emotional
equivalent of a hazmat suit. Create a workplace Environmental
Protection Agency and go out of your way to be positive, supportive
and helpful. It is often the case that when other workers refuse to
play in the toxic person's reindeer games, the toxic person loses
interest and seeks unhealthier pastures.
In the end, toxic workers are simply dysfunctional people who
bring their negative coping skills to the work setting. Identifying
that these skills are simply attempts on their part to have some
sense of control over their lives allows us to stop taking their
actions personally and practice keeping control over our attitudes
and responses. In this way, even if the toxic person never cleans
up their act, our days are not contaminated with harmful negative
energy that we end up unintentionally bringing home with us.
* It is sometimes the case where the toxic person is the person in
charge. This creates obvious extra challenges and some careful
planning in order to protect both one's sanity and employment.
First and foremost, document your experiences, but avoid diagnosing
and getting over-emotional (save that for your therapy journal).
Stick to facts and include names of anyone else who might have
witnessed the boss's antics. If you are not able to take a break
from work, i.e. vacation, sick leave, or mental health days, make
an extra effort to stay on-task and perform to the best of your
abilities. In the face of any dysfunctional behavior by others the
old 12-Step axiom of "Living well is the best revenge" can serve to
extend one's career. Finally, be ready to go above your boss or
utilize your evacuation plan. Leaving a toxic boss is not an act of
defeat, it's a courageous act of no longer participating in an
abusive relationship. Move out of victim mode and into
survivorship. There's a good chance that you will not be alone and
can start a support group for other survivors.
Mike Verano is a licensed therapist and EAP Specialist with REACH EAP & Workplace Solutions. He is also a cancer survivor and, most importantly, a grandfather.