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The Silent Treatment: The Art of Meditation
After 24 years in the mental health field, I now consider myself
a stress therapist. I find this role more satisfying than my
previous role as a stressed-out therapist. Through my struggles to
help myself and others get control over their stress, I have come
to realize that traditional Western psychotherapeutic techniques
sometimes create more problems than they solve. Sifting through a
lifetime's worth of problems in search of the cause of one's misery
may not lead to inner peace and, instead, may leave some people
feeling as if they are going to pieces. My own experience has been
that the Eastern art of meditation, what I call the "silent
treatment," can heal this splintering of the self.
Stress is an essential (think "fight or flight") and unavoidable
aspect of human life that only becomes dangerous when you wrap your
mind around it. This was neatly summed up by the great stress
pioneer Dr. Hans Selye, who said: "Stress doesn't kill; our
reaction to it does." This outlook frees us from being victims of
the winds of fate. Once you realize that when it comes to stress,
you are both the monster and Dr. Frankenstein, you can put down the
torch and stop trying to scare stress away and instead discover
what it has to say. To hear this response, you can use meditation
to silence the chattering mind and create a quiet space within
yourself.
Often shrouded in New Age mystique-where it is offered up as
everything from a solution for overcoming your deepest fears, to a
way to leave the body so you can check out what your neighbors have
in their refrigerator-meditation is not so mystical. Far from being
otherworldly, meditation is directly tied to the universe that is
you. It is not so much an act as it is a state of consciousness-a
state that arises when the incessant need to think about your life
subsides, and you experience yourself in the present moment, minus
the story line.
Despite documented evidence over many centuries regarding the
benefits of meditation for mind and body, many people avoid it like
broccoli. I attribute this to poor marketing. Meditation would
probably be an easier pill to swallow if we could wrap it up with
all of the flair of an advertising campaign for the latest wonder
drug. Who wouldn't try it if it were presented as follows?
Low on energy?
Feel like everyone else is getting ahead of you?
Can't think straight?
Sex life on the skids?
Want to feel young again, lessen your chances for heart problems,
even increase your chances for eternal life?
Try new Medi-tate.
That's right-Medi-tate was designed by the greatest minds the
world has ever known and was once only available to sages, prophets
and soon-to-be deities.
But now, anyone can try it!
Medi-tate is easy to use and you can take it anywhere.
You can use Medi-tate in the comfort of your home,
in the office, in the subway, in your car,
at the big game or even on the big date.
So don't agitate-Medi-tate.
(Possible side effects include the belief that you are one with
the universe, feelings of bliss or euphoria and fewer obsessive
behaviors.)
In all seriousness, many people avoid meditation because of the
concept of having to "practice" it. Bombarded by the constant
intrusion of thoughts, it is easy to feel that you're not doing it
right, and in the absence of instant enlightenment, the payoff
seems questionable. Thus a "mental workout" mentality takes over
and meditation lingers unused like a dusty treadmill that seemed
like a good idea when you bought it.
The good news is that you do not necessarily have to make up your
mind to meditate; whenever you leave the mind you are in a
meditative state. Sure, you can sit in lotus position and gently
watch as thoughts cross your mind like clouds before the sun. But
you can also tune into your breathing during the board meeting
rather than obsessing on the need to update your resume. You can
pay careful attention to your steps as you take the dog for a walk
rather than trying to understand why he seems to be enjoying life
much more than you. Or you can turn your attention to the
experience of the steering wheel in your hand as you drive rather
than trying to text message a friend about the driver who just cut
you off. Remember, there is no rule that you have to be sitting
still or doing nothing to be in a meditative state.
The key to meditation is to drop the worry about where it will
take you and simply enjoy the journey. Meditation is like dancing
in that one does not dance in order to hit a particular spot on the
floor but to simply experience the delight of movement. When you
reach the point where your mind is still, simply be there. When
your mind is at rest, the question of "now what?" will never even
occur. If, however, you still find the need to explain to your
friends and family why you sneak off for these private moments, you
can impress them with the words of the great enlightened teacher
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, who said: "The primary purpose of
meditation is to become conscious of, and familiar with, our inner
life."
As you begin to experience the world from the inside out, you will
start to feel the power of this silent treatment as it dissolves
the damaging forces of stress. Rather than feeling run over by a
world out of control, you will feel yourself being driven by a more
compassionate force.
Give Medi-tate a try-and if it does not work right away, take two
deep breaths, count to 100 and relax every muscle in your body
until the tension is gone. Now, doesn't that feel better?
Ready to try Medi-tate?
Find a quiet spot to sit, a place where you will not be
interrupted for at least 10 minutes.
Close your eyes, if it feels right to you.
Forget about trying to "get comfortable," and just observe how
your body feels.
Do a quick scan from head to toe, noting any sensations as you go.
If you feel tightness somewhere, focus on it but don't label
it.
Turn your attention to your breathing. Feel the air as it moves in
and out of your lungs. Begin counting with each breath. Inhale and
count one, exhale and count two and so on. Return to number one
every time a thought enters your mind. Don't judge the thought or
worry about what it means-just turn your attention back to the
breath and counting.
Practice this for as long as it feels comfortable, and don't worry
if you never make it to 10. When you have finished, spend a few
more moments in silence before returning to your daily routine.
Mike Verano is a licensed therapist and EAP Specialist with REACH EAP & Workplace Solutions. He is also a cancer survivor and, most importantly, a grandfather.